Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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