Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
