Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
