I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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