Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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