from now on my penis is your penis
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
