Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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