Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
