Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I FOUND THE LEGS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
