May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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