just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
