I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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