i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
