i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
