i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
