I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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