If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
