Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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