You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
