somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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