She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
