The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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