i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
