this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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