So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
