Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
