Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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