is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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