Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
