Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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