fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
