3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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