I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
