All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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