My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
