maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
