soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
