tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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