I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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