Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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