I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
