he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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