You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
