Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
