Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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