how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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