If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
