Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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