I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
