when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
