does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
