Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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