Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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