You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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