Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
